So many people have been underestimating my abilities and what i am capable of doing. I don't understand how the events occuring in my life right now are so interconnected and i've just about had enough. It's almost come to a point where I want to doubt myself and just end it. I used to be so optimistic, so positive, so full of life. But after recent events, I don't know what to do, how to feel, how to work, everything. I do things out of the goodness of my heart, without trying to gain recognition, or popularity. But now i've come to realize that ONCE if not EVER, people deserve appreciation for the things that they've accomplished, done for others, sacrificed, got involved with, and for the time put into coordinating things for the school and community. When will that be? It certainly isn't now. It all began at school, when the one person that I thought should understand what a dedicated student and leader I am, didn't understand at all. My attitude changed because of this, and I just wanted to doubt my abilities and not do it anymore. and then something even worse came about... SASSY & G MAGAZINE - 25 Most Intriguing High School Seniors People are going to look at that page and not understand one single thing about me. They will probably be as confused and disappointed as I was. To the other Intriguing students: As adolescents, we were probably in a struggle to try and find what we are passionate about, our identity, and role in the world. Most of us found leadership, community service, faith, and ways to give back to a global society. Most of us are passionate about change, trying to find cures for certain diseases, giving back to the unfortunate, contributing to the community. I find all that totally awesome because that is exactly what I am passionate about. But, we all know that leadership, engaging in many activities, or involvement in high profile organizations isn't about the limelight. it's not about being popular, having power over others, or constantly being recognized for what we achieved. It's about being a LEADER. To serve others. that's all. You know what i'm talking about, we don't get a lot of recognition for what we do, (I don't know about you, but I don't get recognition or appreciation much) but that doesn't keep us from doing it, does it? It shouldn't. Students, teachers, parents, don't understand or appreciate what we do. They remain ignorant. Accolades, rewards are awesome from time to time, and usually scholarships are the rewards that we get for giving our time to do extracurricular activities. THIS PAGE in Sassy Magazine was kind of an accolade for my achievement. THIS PAGE in Sassy Magazine is awesome, and I thank you, but it doesn't say much about me. It's all true, but I didn't know this was why I was chosen as intriguing. I really am from Chicago, IL, and it was hard of course, adjusting to the new environment, but THIS PAGE doesn't say anything or pinpoint anything about my leadership abilities, and my leadership abilities are one of my only strengths. Allow me to explain about the REAL NATALIE. Over the past year, I have developed determination to achieve certain goals and a great potential for growth. I hold a cumulative GPA of 3.45 and I am ranked 130 of 560. My GPA is still rising, for I am aiming to reach a 3.5 by the end of the year. I engage in numerous volunteer service activities with my church and school community. Aside from being Mililani Senior Class of 2007 President, I am the Vice-President of two other clubs on campus, HOSA (Health Occupations Students of America)- Mililani Chapter and the Filipino Club (Kapisanan Ng Lahing Pilipino), which I founded last school year. I am also a Confirmation Youth Team Leader at St. John Apostle and Evangelist church where I assist students through a two-year preparatory class for the sacrament of Confirmation. My sister has Pachygyria, and which is why i have a picture with her. Aside from my dedication to school, church, and community, I also have family. She's important in my life too. Having a sister with a mental disorder isn't easy, especially for me. Her situation greatly affects my life as well. I thought this was why they thought I was intriguing. I know they gave me a lot of cool things, a scholarship, a luncheon in my honor, but i left disappointed because whatever was written on my page, really wasn't what makes me feel intriguing and basically everything written on the page was almost irrelevant toward what makes me feel intriguing. The page didn't make sense AT ALL. for one, i have a picture with my sister, but in the text, it explains NOTHING about my sister's situation. I saw this as an opportunity for my peers to finally realize what i do, and how i devote, dedicate, and contribute my time as a servant leader, but the page did not point out any of that about me. who am i to complain, right? i'm still one of them, right? WELL, I've come to realize that i don't need a page in a magazine to let me know that i'm intriguing. I know that I am intriguing. Of course, It would have been nice for others, teachers and my fellow peers to finally understand me, understand what lies behind the smile, understand why i am constantly stressed, understand what i am truly passionate about, how much TIME I SACRIFICE, how much TIME I DEDICATE, how much I DO for others. I'm going to continue doing what I do, not being i'm waiting for that recogntion that i feel that i deserve, but because I LOVE IT. Doing all of this gives me that warm feeling inside and I love it. I don't want to let this bring me down, even though it already has. Keep going, Natalie. Keep going. - In light of this, it's possible that I just don't realize how much time it takes to work on the magazine, how much time the editor probably worked on our pages, and that maybe I should just appreciate it (I CERTAINLY DO) but in this case, i think my page was WAY OFF. | 
